"saying what i want, cause they'll judge me anyways"
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Thank you.
posted on Saturday, 9 July 2016 @ 15:13 | permalink
I don't know if it makes sense but I'm just gonna say what I feel.
Times like this no one you love can help you.
That moment when you're crying alone below your house, too afraid to even go home cause you're afraid you'll wake the rest. At that very moment, when you feel like everything has fallen apart, and you feel nothing but despair, it's the very moment you need to pull yourself together.
When I fell apart, I called my best friends but none of them answered, not cause they didn't care, but cause they weren't awake. Every time the phone went to voice mail my heart begged for someone to help me, to save me from that aching. And when one of my besties called me and asked me to come over to her place, I couldn't bare to, I don't know why, but I just didn't want to be anyone's burden at that point in time.
I just needed to let it out. I kept calling out for help while crying with that hideous voice. But no one came. I told myself "pull yourself together, you're stronger than this" but apart of me just couldn't. I've never felt so helpless, so weak. 2 ladies came and asked if I was alright and I said "yes. I'm fine" but it's been so long since I felt that kind of pain that I didn't know how to respond. But this neighbor from the 6th floor came by, she was wearing a mask while walking towards me and she stopped and squatted in front of me and asked "what happened to you?" after hesitating a bit, I told her. She took off her mask, looked at me, smiled and said "you're beautiful and still so young. You've so much to more to see in this world, it's his lost for not seeing something so good." After talking to her for a while more I found out that she was a Vietnam lady that had just ended work. We walked to the lift and pressed our respective number and I gave her a hug before I left.
I don't know why, but I just felt better. I don't know how else to put it. But I'm grateful.
I know this doesn't make much sense cause you guys probably don't know what happened but to that lady, thank you.
And to anyone else that cared and whom were concerned towards me, thank you. I never thought I would be crying over the same damn thing after so long but I guess it just happened. Feelings like that I tend to bottle up as much as I can and keep it as deep as I can. I know it's not healthy, but it works. I'd choose to do that over inflicting pain on myself or hurting the ones I care for. To me, what I do is like the same thing someone suffering from anorexia does, it's harmful but it works, that's why we choose what we did. (I'm sorry if that's an awful way to explain myself, but that's how I feel right no, granted it might not be the right thing to say regardless, but at this point in time, I really just want to say what I want) Regardless, thank you to everyone that cared. Dealing with stress
posted on Tuesday, 8 March 2016 @ 08:19 | permalink
Hey guys,I'm so so sorry for not posting recently, but i really didn't have the time or energy to do so! School has been pretty intense lately, with all the assignments, tests & projects, i barely have time for myself anymore!! Anyways here's just of the highlighted recaps of events occurring in my life. My clique & I went for a short trip to Malaysia And when i mean short i really do mean short! it was a one day trip to Johor Bahru where by we went to an awesome burger place called "Fat Burger", shopped a little and went for Hookah. It was fun going to Hookah mainly because most of them have never tried it before! However the night before i had a slumber party where Cheryl, Sarah & AJ slept over. It was pretty fun and chill, we basically had a couple of beers while chilling, eating popcorn, gossiping and watching Friends With Benefits! (Oh my god Mila Kunis) So yeah, that weekend was uber fun. paperwork, Paperwork, PAPERWORK So yeah, being in the course that i am in requires us to do an absurd amount of paperwork which is basically called "Preproduction" right before filming starts. And honestly, it has not been easy, i'm not saying that my group is incompetent but as the day goes by and the deadline to hand up gets closer, i get more anxious. I'm sure that my group members feel it too and i can see that some of them are getting more on the ball with the matters at hand and i'm truly grateful for that, but it's just a few individual that's really pissing me off. I'm not gonna say names cause i get it, some people are just not cut out for preproduction and that's fine, but man is it tough to manage a group of 18. Dealing with it The feelings to smoke again is at it's all time high but i'll give myself a hundred reasons not to and the feeling will just go away. I'm really trying my hardest not to flare up and i'm grateful that my clique is there to help and support me but still, i find myself being easily annoyed by the tiniest thing. However how i used to deal with stress were by smoking, drinking & binging. It doesn't take a genius to know that all 3 of them are bad which also contributed to my ridiculous weight gain in the past so i'm really trying not to. Smoking and drinking wise, i'm pretty determined not to, i mean you need the cash to actually do things like that and i just know i can spend it on better things. Binging wise, well it's been the toughest battle of them all because i'm constantly asking myself whether i'm really hungry, stressed or plainly bored. So far, binging has been an uphill battle, a lot of times I'd give in to temptation even though i have a no food after 7pm rule, i really can't help myself and the worst part when i'm eating, i'll feel terrible. I'm super determined now and i know i can't let my temptations get the better of me. Stay tuned okay guys! Promise i'll update soon!! Nights! See you guys! Eyelash extensions journey
posted on Wednesday, 3 February 2016 @ 08:57 | permalink
Hey Guys!I'm sorry i haven't been posting, I've been so busy with school and stuff! Weight loss wise, everything has been good! I've been jogging basically everyday for a month now with Jordan! well, almost everyday, sometimes when I've work or i'm out late, i can't make it! Anyways, back to topic! Today i finally got my lashes done and to be honest, I FEEL FAB-U-LOUS!!!! I feel like a freaken diva!!! I made a vlog so that well, i can just let the video speak for itself! I'm apologising in advance because, the video quality isn't fantastic, i used my IPhone 6Plus to take it! Colour correction wise, i did my best but overall, i hope you guys like it!! I might do a follow up video after maybe a week or month of having them? Mostly it depends on whether i've the time or whether i've the balls to sit infront of the camera and talk for like 5 minutes?
I hope you guys will enjoy it and give it a thumbs up if you do!!
Talk to you guys again soon!! Bye! Tiring Week
posted on Sunday, 24 January 2016 @ 08:42 | permalink
Hey guys!I'm so sorry for not updating this whole time but i'm struggling with my time management these 2 weeks! It's only the 3rd week of school and i'm already so done with it! Even though my school schedule is a little more relaxed now, but the pressure is on! A plus point is that I have a part time job now at a Korean Barbecue store now and it's tiring!~ Health wise, Jordan and I are jogging every night regardless of how tired or busy we are and well, it's working out pretty fine! We're pushing our limit everyday! Hopefully by the end of this month, i'll be able to see a little results! Well today's our friend, Cindy's wedding! It was an adorable wedding, and she was stunning! Jordan, Eugene and Alicia met at my place to prepare a little before we head off but we were kind of late for the wedding, i swear, i might actually be late for my own wedding! *laughs*   
Some of the pictures we took from snapchat & for future instagram post (follow me @ lacedsilhouette)
Anyways, it's super late now!~
talk to you guys soon!
Goodnight!
Last Week Of My Holiday
posted on Sunday, 10 January 2016 @ 05:15 | permalink
Hey guys!Today is the last day of freedom before school starts tomorrow! So basically this is how i spent my last week of it
Malaysia with Jordan & Eugene So during our one day trip, we went to Johor Bahru to just eat and chill i guess? The food was awesome and really really affordable. So here're some of the stuff we ate *note* this are all taken from Snapchat!  
We went to this place called Fat Burger and we ordered one Quad Burger which is basically a
4 beef patty burger smothered with cheese, onions and some other stuff that i can't really remember.
We also went for Spicy Chicken Basil Rice and Tom Yam Soup (not in this picture) at Thai Express!
It wasn't bad just not spicy enough for me, i had to eat the Thai Chilli just to feel the "heat".
We snacked on this Fried Sushi as well! Which was pretty neat, definitely
something i wasn't used to but i do like it cause of it's unique crispy texture
on the outside and soft texture on the inside.
Another snack that i bought but unfortunately didn't take a photo of was
the fried squid that is out of this world!!
Lastly for "dessert, the 3 of us bought an ice cream with cotton candy surrounding it.
COTTON CANDY!!! IT WAS LIKE I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN!!!
But i only finished the cotton candy not much of the ice cream.
Japanese Cemetery Park
So a couple of hours before i went for Rosie's birthday celebration, my clique from school and I went for a short shoot at the Japanese Cemetery Park. It's actually a really beautiful place, pretty small but peaceful. While we were there, other than taking the scenery and tombs and stuff, we had a mini photo shoot for our instagram! I'm not going to post it here so just stay tune to my instagram post okay? *wink* Well after the shoot we went back to my place so that i could take a shower and change into something else for Rosie's birthday. After that some of us went home and the rest of us went for dinner. We had sushi. *screams* I honestly love sushi, more like sashimi, i can never get bored of it! Rosie's 20th Birthday So after sushi, we met up with the birthday girl and then bid farewell to my clique before going off to get ourselves a bottle of Jagermeister which honestly wasn't bad when mixed with Red Bull. We went off to find somewhere to drink for a while before meeting Crystal, her boyfriend and the rest of their friends. It was the first time i was meeting them but they're nice, pretty chill and funny. We decided to go to a Thai Disco to celebrate her birthday. I don't really want to elaborate too much about it but all i can say is, we got caught for bringing the Jagermeister(i'm assuming we were left with about 2/5 of it) and well they confiscated it. But the amount of alcohol we had was more than enough to be honest and i reached home at 4am but slept around 6! So yeah, that's pretty much how i spent my last week of holiday, pretty alright! To be honest, I'm pretty excited for school even though i know that it's going to be a pretty tough school year!! Bye! Happy New Year
posted on Thursday, 31 December 2015 @ 12:10 | permalink
Day 1 of 2016Hey guys, Happy New Year! 2015 was a huge learning lesson for me, regardless whether it was education wise or life wise, it was definitely filled with massive ups and terrible downs, but still i'm grateful for all the hits i've taken. What I've learnt :
This sounds so corny but here's my resolution and i'm freaken serious about it!!
So here's the list!!
Hope i'm able to check off all 6 of them!!
Here's a short montage of my year!! Enjoy!
How to be internet famous
posted on Thursday, 17 December 2015 @ 13:18 | permalink
Hey guys!!I know this isn't the normal stuff i post but, after joking around with my friends and stuff, i decided to write this.
*warning: results may vary*
So here it is, ☁ Do or just spread a scandalous rumour about yourself that is so provocative, it captures everyone's attention.
In terms of that, i do mean something sexual. Cause whether you like it or not, sex sells. So yeah,
if you want to get people's attention, do/spread something so scandalous, because at the end of the
day, everyone loves gossip.
☁ Take provocative photos of yourself and post it on Instagram
Obviously, you know what i mean by provocative photos right? But what if you don't have natural
assets? Well here's a few options for you
☁ Start unnecessary conflict you don't even know.
When i mean someone you don't even know, i mean someone locally famous, do some Instagram
or blog post or even a Youtube video and spread the new!! Why? Because the person who is
"involved" would probably reply to it causing people to be interested in who you are!
☁ Make an obnoxious youtube video.
Make a video about something completely unnecessary, ridiculous even, something so huge that it
captures people's attention so much that they decide to watch it.
Outcome
Well if you're actually considering this, here's what might happen, you might actually be able to capture people's attention, who doesn't like gossip? Even if they don't know who you are, they'll start to stalk you on social media, probably follow you after just to get the latest scoop of what you've done etc. But that would mean that you're infamous wouldn't it? But hey, after you get the amount of limelight you want, you can slowly change things and slowly try to be famous for the right reason. Just look around you, there're tons of famous people that changed their bad reputations and even went as far as being role models and icons!
Consequences
Here is where the ugly side comes, and things you need to consider before you actually do the things that i wrote about
● Your Family
Think about it, how would your parents or even your siblings or other close relatives feel if they
hear about it? Sure you can be all "It's my life and i do what i want" about it but put yourself in
their shoes, how would you feel if you hear from someone that your child or sibling did something
morally disgraceful? Wouldn't you feel embarrassed?
● Your Friends
Let's face it, not everyone can accept you after doing one of the listed things, and some might even
disagree or worst, add fuel to the fire and make things even worse for you, and i know that there's a
saying that true friends stick with you throughout, but if you're ready to do this, you've to get
mentally prepared to lose friends or gain friends but the friends you gain might not be diamonds so
be careful.
● Your Reputation
Well, other than your family and friends, there's literally nothing more important than this! Why?
Well that's because your reputation alone could be the reason why you do/don't get a job in the
future. Do you want to be known as that person that did XXXX? And sure, i did say above that
you can change your reputation in the future, but what if you can't? What if the damage is so bad
that you can't turn the table and make yourself famous for the right reason? By that time, you're
truly fucked.
In Conclusion
DON'T DO IT!!!
Why? Because, a lot of times, people might just be lucky that they got themselves out of the suckish situation they were put in whether they did it intentionally or not, and trust me when i say that they probably put in a shit-load of effort to change their reputation! There're more important things in life other than being famous, so instead of wrecking your brains on how to be famous, why not find ways to make yourself and the people around you happy? BUT if you really want to be famous, you'll really have to put some elbow grease and work hard for it, whether it's Instagram or blogging etc. But do try to be famous for the RIGHT reasons okay? Besides, fame isn't everything and if you're meant to be famous, you'll be, if not, just do you! It sounds like a super cheesy way to end this post but it really is true!
Who knows? Not being famous might be a blessing in disguise cause you might not be able to handle the social pressures and stuff. I'm not saying you should worship those people that are Instagram famous, but yeah, it might not be for everyone.
So please, don't take what I wrote too seriously, it's just somethings my friends and I talked about that's all.
So yeah, I guess I'll talk to you guys in my next entry!
Bye!
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