"saying what i want, cause they'll judge me anyways"
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Sometime for myself
posted on Thursday, 29 October 2015 @ 08:44 | permalink
Hey guys,I'm sorry I haven't been online for so long. A lot has happened recently and to be honest, i think i've reached my breaking point. To be honest, it's really hard and tiring to have to constantly put up a strong front in front of everyone. So i decided that, even though it's probably really selfish of me to do so, I'm going to give myself a short break from everything. Whether it's school or anything else that is going through my mind currently, i decided that i just need to clear my head a bit and just chill. I can't tell you what's wrong or why i'm feeling so miserable recently in details, maybe it's because i'm not a 100% comfortable with it but i think the main thing is that i can't really pinpoint or put to words how i feel. But i think i know what some of the issues are but i guess i can only share with you guys one of it. 1) I'm terrified of dragging everyone down with me. Well you see, for my project for this semester, we had to do a short film for our end of the year project. I don't know but i just feel like i've failed everyone. I feel so guilty for not being able to do well for this project and i've no idea why. I swear that i've done my best. But sometimes doing your best is just not enough. I'm fearful that the short film that we've done is a huge flop but at the same time, i know that it's too late to regret now. I really don't know what to do now and i'm not sure if this whole post even makes any sense. (I'm sorry if it doesn't) I just feel like crying but I've no idea why. I've been trying to push those feelings aside because i feel like i don't have a valid reason to cry. I don't want to display this kind of emotions or constantly exude a bad attitude in school because i know it's not fair for the rest to take the shitty attitude. It's not right. I think it's enough for today. Maybe i'll let you guys know what i've done tomorrow? Goodnight everyone, thank you so much for reading. Love, Olivia
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